The Best is Yet to Come.

It has been over the course of the last two and half weeks that I have struggled with being believing. Believing in myself, in this pregnancy, and in miracles. It is unfortunate to admit but sometimes I let fear drive my thoughts and faith take the back seat.

After our first ultrasound, we were able to finally believe that this baby was real. We could hear baby's heart and see baby's body, and the connection between child to parent grew deeper within us both. The nurse practitioner then delivered very scary news about the stability of baby's health. Through the first 8 1/2 weeks of pregnancy the little tadpole developed pericardial effusion, a condition in which abnormal amounts of fluid surround the heart, ultimately creating a problem with potential growth. What felt like a huge devastation turned into a huge blessing. After much encouragement from my husband and family, we prayed day and night for this baby. We knew miracles were possible. After all the Savior raised Lazarus from the dead and gave the blind man sight. Could He not heal my baby? I believed He would.

What seemed like the longest week of our lives finally ended with a follow-up ultrasound. My nerves were uncontrollable, and I played through all possible scenarios of what could happen. My worst fears were confirmed: no heart beat. Baby had passed, sometime within a short day of our first ultrasound. Yet because we both knew the possibilities it came as less of a shock. Still a huge blow. My baby wasn't healed and I was sad.

Because the baby was at no position of dropping on its own, we could choose between a. waiting out the miscarriage or b. having a D&C. Both sounded awful. I was given a blessing and continued to pray. While at school and work my prayers were constant. We felt that the best option was to have the surgery. So that's what I did yesterday afternoon at the hospital. After I woke up from the anesthesia I began crying, maybe because I was drugged up or maybe because I was sad it was all finally over.

It wasn't until I lay in the hospital bed yesterday that I finally felt a sense of peace come over me. My baby wasn't supposed to be healed. And I am beginning to understand that more fully. This experience was for our good, for my good. And miracles do happen. Surgery went well. Recovery has been wonderful. And the understanding of my Savior's love has deepened. He is now healing me.

How could I have managed to experience life's hiccups without the Gospel of Jesus Christ? The Savior is in all things and my plan has become more clear. I look forward to what's ahead for our family! For we will never be left alone... Thank you to all those who prayed for us. We really felt your prayers and were blessed by the added strength.

"We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true, and the best is yet to come," Elder L. Tom Perry

The best IS yet to come! I cannot wait.

October brings good things!

What a fabulous time of the year this is! I just celebrated my 22nd birthday and loved it. Ryan surprised me with a trip to Scottsdale. I've been dying to go on vacation for a while (mainly because I love hotels) and my wish came true! We called this trip our "babymoon". (thebump.com told us having a babymoon would ease the pregnancy. I like to believe that that's true.)

Yesterday my parents did a big birthday dinner for both my dad and myself. I truly love that our birthdays are so close! Happy Birthday (today) Dad! You're looking younger by the minute. I played hookie from school today because I felt too tired. And my stomach hurt. With working 25 hours a week and going to school full-time I feel like this baby turns my body off really fast. Tadpole = 1, Caraline = 0.

We had our first ultra-sound on the 22nd and heard the baby's heart beat! What a neat experience. Because our baby has a heart complication we're going back for a follow-up ultra-sound this coming Monday. Ryan and I are confident that this little baby will be fine. But oh the stress it can bring when you carry a baby! Wish us luck on Monday.

I hope you all had a lovely October and enjoy your Halloween!
(Oh- and Happy Birthday to Joelle this weekend :))

The time is here...

I wanted to let you all know
(and by "all" I mean those who have the patience to care about my abandoned blog)....


I'm expecting!

(A baby).


Happy to be sick (kinda) and even happier to be fertile.

Vacationing.

Every summer should be complimented by an awesome vacation. My summer just got rocked by Bear Lake and Sundance, Utah. No... no Robert Redford sitings this time. Ryan was able to meet most of my extended family for the first time at Bear Lake. And he still wants to stay married! I wish I had pictures of my cousins and extended family. It was so good to see them. I can't wait until our reunion in Washington next year. My immediate family left Bear Lake and stayed at a beautiful log house in Sundance. Here are only a couple of pictures of our awesome vacation.

Ryan and Samantha running a muck at BYU!

Baby Wesley at the Provo Fair. He's a wee baby.
Emma, Samantha and me. Posing for Ryan. Cutest nieces ever! Where's Matthew? Settling Catan?
Husband and wife... lounging on the deck.
Siblings picture. Check out Curt's lighting zipper!
Williams family picture!
Can't wait to go on vacation again!!

Paperweight.

Two posts in one day... whaaaa?

This post will serve the very purpose in having a blog... to update.

Ryan is in Mexico again. He has spent the majority of June and now July (and eventually some of August) at a mine site three hours from Monterrey. He works a lot when he's there which is always a blessing. But all he has to show for it is a bag full of Fools Gold. Bring me the real stuff! When we move maybe I'll pitch it at a garage sell as real gold and noone will know the difference. Without my buddy here I do a lot of info-mercial watching and internet surfing. Mainly because I'm waiting for Ryan to get online. Our means of communication is online chatting. Definitely doesn't feel cool as it did when I was 13 years old. But it's the best we got, so I'll take it! Yes, I miss him a lot. But again, I am just grateful we both have jobs. So when Ryan gets home we'll be taking a week long vacation to Utah... woohoo! Who doesn't love Utah? Ok, maybe a lot of people. But I can't help but love it... "so sue me."


We'll be staying in Sundance. Beautiful! I'll be sure to post some pictures after the trip. Until then... I have some Zumba info-mercials to attend to.

Tuppence a bag.

As if my week can't get any better... this is what I found chugging alongside Warner road without a care in the world. Unfortunately, I could not slow down the car enough to take my very own picture of an elderly man riding a banana seat bike, dressed in camou and a macau. Like it was nothing at all.

In Google Imaging "Man riding bike with macau on shoulder" I discovered that over-usage of words gives you way too many stupid pictures. But I did find a better representation of what I wanted to portray. Although he looks less like the elderly man and more like my dear father-in-law, I thought it was pretty remarkable that people even think to do things like this.


Do macaus adjust well to 115 degree weather? I couldn't help but feel bad for that bird. There's no way that bird would take flight anywhere away from that man's shoulder. Where would it go? Don't macaus live in tropical forests? And isn't camou the worst thing to wear in the middle of July? Fortunately my logic didn't match this man's. Good thing! What would I blog about if I didn't have people like this?

It took me 14 minutes to draw that.

The first day of summer.

Did you know that starting Monday, June 21st the first day of summer has arrived? On the contrary, I believe the first day began several weeks back. But to honor my FranklinCovey planner I will attribute Monday to summer's arrival. We are defining our first summer together by attending baseball games, bbqs and working a lot. We were fortunate enough to view the Gila Valley temple dedication in the Gila Valley. It was a beautiful experience! Did I mention Ryan works a lot? He has currently worked himself all the way over to Monterey, Mexico where he will have spent two weeks working at the mine. I'm on day five. Today was the first day I was able to speak with him on the phone. I answered the phone not expecting to hear him and not recognizing to whom I was speaking with. Maybe another ten months of marriage will cure that.

Maybe since I turned our internet back on I'll blog more in the next week and a half. Happily, my brother Jesse is staying with me. So I don't find myself too bored. Last night we went to Chipotle where I bought myself a kids meal (first time ever) and we later watched Jurassic Park. "Hold on to your butts." Newman has got to be the grossest character in that whole movie. Also, I am trying to do some summer reading as I anxiously await the third installment of the Hunger Games. I have discovered that I am not the only person loving this series.

Ok, that's all I have for tonight. Maybe I'll blog sooner than later next time. Just maybe...


Please ignore Ryan's tucked in shirt. He was helping with the sound at the Gila Valley Cultural Event. It's all I can really say about that.