Fun times

Important disclaimer: I write this post while trying to be sensitive to anyone who feels in any way, shape, or form the overwhelming pressures and disappointments that are often associated with fertility and pregnancy. I am very thankful that Ryan and I are even able to sustain a pregnancy. And regardless of the small obstacles that I have gone through I am very grateful to have been given the opporunity at this time to carry this sweet baby girl.

With that said, I'd like to briefly describe some "fun times" I've had being pregnant. And by "fun times" I mean embarassing, confusing, and just funny. It is all too often that I hear other women say things like, "Being pregnant is the best" and my personal favorite, "If I had a choice, I'd be pregnant my entire life." But! I am beginning to understand that no two pregnancies are the same and that my pregnancy is pretty mild compared to some. Here are some small-scale examples of the "fun times" I've had thus far:

8 weeks pregnant: 1:00a - wake up with severe hunger pangs. Like if I don't eat a bowl of cereal, a banana, some yogurt, three slices of cheese, and another bowl of cereal then I possibly might die. 3:00a - happens again. Change up the cereal, grab some more cheese, and scarf a Nutrigrain bar to be safe. 5:00a... what's happening here? This must be twins. 7:00a - lets just stay awake - eat a bowl of oatmeal and tell my stomach to calm the heck down. This night marked a pattern for every night to follow. Positive: our pantry has a better stash of food then ever before.

7 and 9 weeks (ish) pregnant: ER visit #1 and ER visit #2. Vomiting, IVs, dehydration. Free cable, hospital gowns, and ice chips. Boring, scary, and tiresome. Positive: walked away with a free pair of hospital socks.

14 weeks pregnant: Waited an entire week for the magical second trimester "energy and appetite" to kick in. Shoutout to all those women who suggested the following weeks to be the game changer... week 16, week 19, week 22... the list goes on. You were kind to suggest a hopeful future. Positive: Ryan's been doing the dishes and laundry for me. Nice boy.

20 weeks pregnant: Gender ultrasound + anatomy measurements. Can't find heart and spine measurements. The third and final ultrasound took place at a specialist office where I was told they'd "hang me from the ceiling" if they had to. Positive: baby is not a jelly fish.

23 weeks pregnant: Thought I had a heart attack/allergic reaction to my third presciption of nausea medication but really it was just a possible weird acid reflux/muscle spasm. Played it safe and went to my doctor. Found out I have a heart murmer explaining why I'm so out of breath all the time. Been referred to a cardiologist. Developed some serious feet swelling symptoms as well as beautiful purple lines on my thighs. Positive: can now say things like "you're making my heart murmer".

Today: Sneezed and wet my pants this morning. I thought this didn't actually happen to real people. I think I'm a real person and I know it happened to me. Had to change my clothes. Threw up in Costa Vida - didn't even make it to the bathroom. Luckily, no one was around. Ended the day with my favorite drug... a sepository. Very exciting. Positive: makes for a really good story.

So needless to say my "fun" experiences have led to me evaluate pregnancy on a different level. And in all honesty, I have very much enjoyed the simple joys such as feeling the baby move and wearing stretchy pants.

So here's to another "fun" and exciting 16 weeks!

To Be Determined

Time for an update? Ok, I give.

1.) I've been asked to be my ward Girl's Camp director this year. One might wonder what goes in to planning something like this - I have yet to figure that out. But I do know that the overall opinion of this church calling is one-sided. I've gotten a lot of comments like "good luck!" and "so glad it's not my job" and "barf". But I can honestly say that I am excited to work with the girls in my ward (all 55 to be exact) and have enjoyed it thus far. Time to brush up on my hand clapping games and camp fire songs.

2.) Ryan was given a work assignment in Argentina that spanned from the end of January to the beginning of March. The time went by surprisingly fast. However, I wasn't too enthused when I heard he'd go back after a two week stay in Arizona. End of story, he never went back and we're not moving to Argentina. But we dreamed about it for a small moment, all the while romanticizing that we'd swim in exotic beaches and breed children with dual citizenship. Ryan really enjoyed re-visiting where he served his mission and doing it for free!

3.) Only one week after Ryan left for South America I found out I was with child. It was an overwhelming discovery and has been quite the experience ever since. I'm sure you could picture it all in your head...

I've spent all day at an HR meeting in Scottsdale and, after texting prompts from Ryan, decided to take a pregnancy test. It was only a few days earlier that I tested negative. BUT I had an extra test and thought "why not?" (also, I hoard pregnancy tests like food storage and have been known to test... just for fun). So I tested. And it was positive. And I fell off the toilet. And cried and prayed and yelled. And then I Skyped Ryan. And we cried like babies together.

Anyway, pregnancy (for me) has been rocky but exciting. I've had a few scares and visited the ER twice. But the more pregnant you are the more you realize it could always be worse and that it is all worth it. I'm 17 weeks today and will find out baby's gender next week. No maternal instinct on what it could be... I'm prepared to be surprised :) I guess it's a 50/50 chance either way, right?

4.) Admist Argentina and pregnancy I decided to step down from my position as manager at Life Time. And it's been a great decision. I work part time and admit that I enjoy my days and weeks more and more. I feel healthier and my stress levels have gone down. Honestly, I miss aspects of my job but am confident that health takes priority.

Ok that's all (I think)! Ryan's youngest brother just got married and my older brother just finished his first year of law school. We're enjoying time with family. And we're learning things about house work that we've never before realized. Like how owning a home is an aquired appreciation. No pictures to post but maybe soon. Until next time...

Twenty-something

Oh heck. What have I been doing these last 9 months? I've been right here reading juicy blogs and never once remembering I had one of my own. That's the Terrible, Awful that I know you've already figured out. Blogging is not my fav - but since I can't find my journal at the moment this will have to do.

I was in Young Women's today (my church's youth program for girls) and was asked by another leader if I had yet graduated high school. I know it's a compliment and I thank her for it. I've just seemed to have confused an awful lot of people lately with my strikingly young appearance. It's no secret that I'm only twenty-something (3) and still look like a pubescent tween. Which is fine except when I'm entering a club or a bar and everyone thinks I've got a fake ID. I've actually never been in that kind of a situation but I can only IMAGINE the frustration that I would encounter. So as my age appears to muddle its way into the twenties I find myself second-guessing my every decision. Is that healthy? Will I regret this? Will Ryan regret this?

Church was good today and helped clarify my anxiety over some of life's dilemmas. I re-learned about faith and how sometimes I just need to be obedient. It's unfortunate, but I find that all too often I compare myself to other twenty-somethings and begin to worry about my eternal progression. Will I be judged on how I never can make my bed (ever) and how I can run no further than a mile (on a good day)? Or how we got ourselves a dog but were terrible owners and gave him away after 3 weeks? Or how the month before graduation I decided I don't want to study Sociology anymore?

There's a reason I don't blog weekly or Facebook blast daily... But even though I'm not pregnant with sextuplets, can't manage my credit card, and kill all my gifted plants I am still trying to accomplish it all (except not sextuplets, please). Faith is one of the greatest truths behind my religion and I am very grateful to be told again and again... endure to the very end. Keep trying to be obedient and keep trying to have faith that it will all work out. Somehow that just makes me feel better, day in and day out.

This twenty3 year-old may be lacking in some areas but understands that finding joy is what life is all about. I'm just grateful that I have help along the way to remember it all. (And individuals who tell me I look like a dashing 15 year-old).